- Decide
upon one or two caring individuals who will approach the person you are
concerned about. Close, trusted friends or are usually best. The
individual(s) should be prepared to encourage the person to seek further
help with a trained health professional (see Resources below).
- The
individual(s) chosen should also convey a sensible attitude concerning
weight-related issues and a healthy, realistic approach to eating and
exercise.
- Establish
a private, safe environment.
- Consider
rehearsing what will be said.
- Learn about the danger signs of an eating disorder
- Express
your concerns in a straightforward, yet caring manner. Share two or three
specific examples/times when you felt afraid or uneasy. Use an “I” message
format:
- Example:
"I noticed you’ve been avoiding meals with us lately. I wonder if we
could talk about that?'
- Example:
“I feel concerned about the weight you’ve lost this past quarter. I was
hoping we could talk about this.”
- Example:
"I noticed you’ve been dieting for a long time now. Is it possible
for us to discuss this?”
- Then,
give the person time to talk and encourage him/her to verbalize feelings.
Continue to engage discussion by asking clarifying questions and
accepting responses in a non-judgmental manner.
- Be
prepared for strong feelings/reactions from the person (i.e., denial,
anger, confusion).
- Toward
the end of the discussion, provide information and resources for
counseling/treatment (see Resources). At this point you might offer to go
along and wait while he/she has a first appointment.
- Close
the discussion by letting him/her know you are willing to talk again.
- Example:
“I know you feel things are okay, but that will not change my concerns. I
hope we can talk again about this because I care about you and your
health.”
Don’t debate concerning food eaten or not eaten, calories consumed, and/or look for reasons that contributed to the development an eating disorder. Remember—your primary purpose is to be supportive and to encourage the person to seek further help
Other “DONT's”
- Don't
offer advice or personal opinions.
- Don't
engage in an argument or power struggle because your friend might deny the
situation.
- Don't
offer simplistic solutions (i.e., “why don’t you just eat?).
- Don't
make “you” statements (i.e., “you have to eat something.”).
- Don't
say things like “you’re getting too skinny.” Instead, put it in health
terms, i.e., “I am worried because you seem preoccupied and don’t have
much energy lately.”
- If
the person declines your request to seek further help, remind yourself you
have done all it is reasonable for you to do. Realize you will have made
important progress in honestly sharing your concerns, providing support,
and offering available information and resources.
- Eating
disorders are usually not emergency situations. However, if the person is
in acute medical danger (e.g., vomits daily) and/or at risk for suicide,
contact help immediately.
- Don't
take it personally if your friend seems uncomfortable around you.
She or he is in the beginning stages of healing, and might feel
exposed. Continue to be supportive.